Communicating Effectively

Silence sends the message.

20190423_144540Effective communication depends on the development of your speaking and listening skills. We speak to be heard, understood, and to be repeated when communicating. However, when the message sent is not the message received, we seldom focus on if the listener was listening effectively. Effective communication is sharing information in a manner that the listener understands what the speaker is saying. It also depends not only on what is said but also on what’s heard. What is heard may not be the result of how what was said but more about well we listen. We can significantly improve our communication skills when we are conscious of how we communicate as the speaker as well as the listener.

The first question we should ask ourselves is how present we are – when we are the listener. As the listener, do we impress upon the speaker we are ready to tune in to their message? Do we assure the speaker that they have our undivided attention? When speakers are on the platform, they can emphasize the importance of receiving the audience’s attention by patiently waiting in silence before delivering their first words. Body language will tell you when your audience is ready with high expectations and are prepared to listen. And when you begin speaking, the onus is on you to fulfill their expectations by continuously reading their active or silent responses to let you know how what you are communicating is being heard and received.

How you convey your message will determine your success or failure on or off the platform. It is not what you say; it is also how it is said. The body language of the listener will tell if they understand what they are hearing. Their smiles or icey steers will make you realize if your listeners are uncomfortable with what you are delivering. As you speak, you must read your audience’s emotional responses. Their agreement sometimes takes place silently. When communication is being conducted face to face silence, should not be regarded as an opportunity to butt in quickly. Active listening requires that you wait your turn to make an appropriate response at the right time. When you are the listener, whether the speaker is on or off the platform, let your speaker pause. Silence sends the message.

Speakers and listeners can significantly improve their communication by developing good habits and correcting bad practices. The best place to start is by observing how you communicate at home. Focus on reading the body language you are receiving as you speak. Resist trying to begin speaking before you have your audience’s undivided attention. Be clear about what you heard before attempting to respond and to be understood. Use that moment of silence to ask your audience before you begin speaking, are prepared to start listening? And once you are sure that you, the speaker and listener, have established a connection. The messages you send will be messages received, and both speaker and listener are now well on a path to communicating effectively.

What is Your Purpose

The Four Basic Classifications of Purpose


fb_img_1573652958802Often, it is said when you speak from your heart, the world will listen. However, whether you are on or off the platform, you must have a purpose before you begin speaking. If you don’t have a purpose, you don’t have a speech. You may have received that bit of wisdom many moons ago from your parents when you were taught; it is best to say nothing if you have nothing to say. Speaking; public or private, all boils down to this simple question, what is your purpose – Is your intention to Inform, Inspire, Persuade, or Entertain? While you can achieve all four of those goals in a single presentation, one of those four basic classifications of purpose should be your primary focus. 

The Four Basic Classifications of Purpose are To:

1. Inform or Instruct – This is a skill mastered by many teachers seeking to unveil the mysteries of life. Legislators, politicians, and advocates also inform when lobbying to win the votes of candidates. They all speak to inform or instruct when presenting facts, figures, and data. When presenting data, facts, and figures, if your focus is on “speaking to inform,” you will achieve your objectives.  

2. Stimulate or Inspire. Preachers are experts at being inspirational. When your purpose is to stimulate or inspire others to come with you to the promised land, that’s quite a tall order. Exciting and inspiring your audience may also take some teaching and quite a lot of preaching. But finding that right balance is most important. Remember, you are speaking more to the heart than the head. First, speak to the heart, and the head will follow.   

3. Persuade or Convince. All speaking is selling. You may be selling a product, idea, or speech. Selling requires the skills of a salesperson. Many use the AIDA formula. A-attention – I-interest D-desire and A-action. Salespersons don’t just try to sell you their product. They sell you how that item will make you feel or how it will improve your lifestyle. They sell the new car smell, that modern look or a bigger house, although their primary focus is your pocketbook and closing the sale. 

4. Entertain or AmuseThe most difficult of the four. Humor is a double-edged sword. Humor can damage your purpose if your primary focus is to Instruct, Inspire, or Convince. When your sole purpose for being on the platform is to amuse or entertain, you can add some teaching, preaching, or persuading. However, if your primary focus is on amusing and entertaining your audience, you would achieve your purpose when you focus on humor. You don’t have to be a comedian. Writing to amuse or entertain is a skill mastered by few, but admired by many. 

As you can see, all four of the classifications are interrelated, but your primary purpose must be obvious to your audience. The trick is to find that perfect balance when using all four in a presentation. No one wants to be schooled, persuaded, or even entertained for the entire duration of a speech. Audiences enjoy being treated to your use of language as you deliver your message – When your reason for being on the platform is evident. When you are sure you will convince your audience to take some action or make changes to their life or the lives of others after hearing you speak, your talk or speech will achieve the first requirement of speaking in public – your purpose. And whether you are on off the platform, if you speak from your heart, the world will listen.

  

Concluding Like The Masters

Churchill, King, Regan Kennedy, and their famous speechwriters.

20180621_214212The great orators and their speechwriters all used words of wisdom and quotes to highlight their POV – Point of View and to complement their speeches. They all quote the good book, for it is written. Churchill, King, Regan, Kennedy, all referenced the Psalms, Proverbs, and their personal stories that became statements or phrases wordy of being repeated. Great speakers speak to be heard, to be remembered, and to be repeated. Their opening remarks are direct and bold. However, it is in their closings; they appealed to the emotions of everyone, rallying their troops and delivering words of wisdom that continue to linger in the hearts and minds of audiences long after their applause.

Endings are your final opportunity to leave your audience with a lasting impression of your presentation and you, the speaker. Last words linger. It is for that reason, I strongly recommend you develop your powerful endings just as the great ones did. When you use a quote or your words of wisdom associated with the great orators, you sometimes shift the power and focus away from you, the speaker, tothe masters. It is wise to quickly refocus your audience with a power statement of your own. Many of your best endings will often come to you from your personal stories. No one can relate your stories better than you, even when you struggle emotionally to find the right words. In your words and wisdom, someone will always find the power in your truth.

The process of closing requires as much attention and planning as your opening. Why try to be Columbus. Learn from the great ones, but retain the power of the moment. The moment is yours. The passion and relationships you built with that audience are in your hands. If you choose to use the words of wisdom of one the masters, add your personal touch. Always remember, it is much more profound to close with one of your anecdotes or power statements than theirs. Give your closing the attention it deserves. Avoid ending similar to, in conclusion – Finally, That’s all I have or, the dreaded – Oops! I have just run out of time. Closings work best when you telegraph to the audience a sense of closure, and you are wrapping things up. You are now adding the bow to your gift – the speech – to the audience.

Signal to your audience, you are in wrapup mode by summarizing your main points. Make a call to action – ask a rhetorical question or a series of questions – build the energy and tension in the room – add drama to your closing remarks. Refer to a power statement you made in your opening if you had one. You are at that point of your talk where you must speak to the hearts and minds of your audience. When your closing inspires your audience to repeat your words, repeat your anecdotes, and repeat your unique sayings, your closing will linger to leave a lasting impression on the lives of your audience. Develop and use your words of wisdom and quotes with pride, hope, and love. And who knows; someday you will be quoted for your own memorable words of wisdom like the great orators of all times – Churchill, King, Regan Kennedy, and their famous speechwriters.

Beginning Your Speech – Tell Me More

Pleasantries and excuses for any reason are nonstarters.

fb_img_1573652958802The first moments of your speech are often the most critical. In those opening moments, you have the full attention of your audience. They are sizing you up. If that audience have never seen or heard you speak before, expectations are heightened. Your opening will often determines if you will hold that attention to take your audience to another level or fall flat, leaving everyone uninspired and disappointed. In those opening moments, you want to grab the attention of your audience. You want to introduce your topic. You need to establish rapport, or check in with your audience before transitioning smoothly into the body of your presentation. You want them to think quuietly -tel me more.

Your introduction and speech title should create anticipation, add drama and suspense to your opening. In the interest of time and to avoid boredom, what was said in your introduction should not be repeated. Your speech title will still be in the minds of your audience. I often try to have my title function like a light switch. Ask yourself the question, would this title switch my audience on – off – or perhaps do both. I have found that both works best when it makes your audience think – “tell me more.” Take time to decide on a title that does not give away your presentation but offers a hint of what’s to follow, whets their appetite, and inspires your audience to think as they increase their attention, to you and your presentation, “tell me more.”

Pleasantries and excuses for any reason are nonstarters. With that type of opening, you will surely lose your audience most likely, for the rest of your speech. Your introduction must hold on to the gift, the initial attention and spotlight drawn to you and your presentation by your presenter. A smile, good eye contact, enthusiasm, or a follow up comment about your introduction, if appropriate, are good audience ice-breakers. However, remember to stay focused on your purpose and topic. Begin your presentation. When your listeners understand your topic and why they should listen to your speech, they will always pay closer attention. One technique I sometimes use to hold on to my audience is to make a promise early. Remind them of that promise a few times during the presentation and fulfill the promise before closing.

In your opening, take a moment to establish rapport with your audience. If you appear to be angry or frustrated, your demeanor will negatively resonate with your audience. If you appear to be all positive or all negative, that too can be a turnoff. Strike a balance with what you are presenting. You can begin by stating a vital statistic, shock your audience with an outrageous comment, arouse suspense or curiosity or, tell a moving story. Balance works best. If you built tension, resolve it. Contrast is also an excellent technique to pique your listener’s interest. Whatever you do, your gold should be to draw your audience to you and the value of your presentation. First impressions are lasting. Often, you will only have one chance to create that first impression. That one chance is the first moment of your speech may very well be when your audience is thinking quietly – Tell Me More.

Your Feedback Partner

Training your feedback partner to evaluate you is a good idea.

20191212_131721Do you have a feedback partner? We hear it repeatedly; we learn through feedback. Still, it is one of the most problematic aspects of bringing a speech to the platform. What do you do with all that feedback you receive? How do you separate feedback from opinions. We all know, not all feedback is useful; however, all comments are worth careful examination.  Constructive criticism is helpful; they make you take a more in-depth look into what your audience may be hearing, thinking, and feeling. To help you develop those analytics, a feedback partner can be a tremendous asset to your development as a speaker.

Training your feedback partner to evaluate you is a good idea. You know what you are trying to achieve as a speaker. Find someone with whom you share similar goals and would tell you precisely what you need to hear and not what you want to hear. Sure, it can be disheartening to hear the speech you worked on for months or years still requires a tremendous amount of work. I know the feeling very well. However, my feedback partner has always been the one I would turn to before being judgmental about any feedback I receive.

Take turns giving and receiving feedback from your partner. Become familiar with each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Discuss all weaknesses and be specific about what each other is trying to achieve. A well-prepared speech is just the beginning of the delivery process. Discuss the many aspects of your delivery to determine where you need the most help. Address one of your concerns in each evaluation. One evaluation can be about your breathing, transitions, or vocal variety. Be clear about what you want your partner to focus on. A feedback partner, who is familiar with your speaking style, is the best person to provide you with their observations.

It is also essential to look for repeated comments in your evaluations. Discuss those comments with your partner. When you are receiving the same observation from different evaluators, at different times, that is most likely an alert to a habit worth avoiding. It is common to resort to what comes naturally when we are under pressure. Even when we know that habit is substandard, but feels good, we will more often than not, resort to it when it is in our comfort zone. Breaking those bad habits do not come easy. Find that special someone with whom you are comfortable, and over time, you will achieve the success you are seeking to become someone’s, super feedback partner.

Chairmanship

Excellent Chairmanship is ensuring all contributors are heard. 

20200319_122011_001We all participate in hundreds of meetings each year. We will belong to many different organizations and will participate in various types of meetings. If you are to give your best when you attend these meetings, if you are to be respected and your opinions heard, you need to practice the basic principles of Chairmanship. How is your Chairmanship?

Members of organizations are busy people. The amount of time they devote to the organizations to belong to is limited. They expect the meeting they attend to run efficiently with no time wasted. When you are the Chairman, it is your responsibility to ensure that your objectives are achieved. The productive meeting starts and ends on time. The following are some best practices to follow when you are the Chairman.

A written agenda is a must. The agenda should also be distributed to all the attendees before the start of the meeting. Making the agenda available allows everyone to focus on the topic to be discussed. It also allows everyone to prepare and time his or her presentations. Your agenda plays a significant role in making sure your meeting ends on time. If you don’t have an agenda, what you may end up having might just be a free for all party. An agenda will keep everyone on the straight and narrow.

Respect the time and efforts of those who show up on time. Why wait for those who are not present. The scheduled time on the program is when the meeting should begin. If you don’t have a quorum, the Chairman can call the meeting to order and call for a recess of five to ten minutes, at which time, adjustments should be made to the agenda to make sure the session ends on time. The members who show up on time should not be punished for their due diligence.

Make sure the program proceeds at a pace that is acceptable to all attendees. Rushing through topics to complete the agenda is unacceptable. This is where your Chairmanship will be tested.  When a discussion wanders off subject or is taking more time than expected, this is when a chairman must exercise Chairmanship. Keeping participants engaged but not allow anyone to dominate the meeting.  A good chairman also recognizes those who seem reluctant to speak up.  Excellent Chairmanship is ensuring all contributors are heard. 

Ending your meeting on a positive note is very important. Sending everyone off at the end of a meeting feeling drained and asking did we accomplished is unacceptable for any organization. If a significant issue cannot be resolved, the problem can be assigned to a committee or place on the parking lot for more discussion at a later time, at that meeting or another. A good Chairman ends their session with a summary. They also make sure everyone understands the decisions made and actions to be taken. Follow these steps, and you will be respected by all your attendees for your wonderful Chairmanship.

Polishing Your Speech

Removing some of the glitter allow the speaker to shine.

20200216_112006Polishing your speech is a critical process all speakers should perform before you take their speech to the platform. You have answered all the essential questions – You have written and rewritten your speech – You have practiced, edited, and reedited your presentation. Now your decisive moment has arrived. You must now polish your speech for presentation. What is going to be your strategy? Are you going to stay polished all the way, or are you going to leave a little rust for the finished product to appear original, genuine, and authentic? That is a question you must now answer.

One approach is to look for power statements in your speech. Power statements similar to your foundational statement speech can have a lingering effect on your audience. They should be one of your prime targets. Practice the phrases and stressing the keywords in those statements.  Tell your story to make a point. Those words will bring your statements to life. Make sure that statement is relevant to your message. Ask yourself how I can spotlight that statement as I practice my delivery. I have known speakers to use the familiar green, yellow, and red highlighters to highlight and serve as reminders as they practice their polishing. Try it – it works.

The part of your speech that has universal appeal should also be your focus. Polish but also keep in mind that old saying, all that glitters is not gold. As you approach critical portions of your presentation, ask yourself which of the three H’s apply. The three H’s are Head, Heart, and Heavy lifting. What am I appealing to – the Head, Heart, or do I now want my audience to do my Heavy Lifting. When you can engage your audience by polishing your point just enough to touch their three H’s – you would have achieved your goal. You have made a connection.

Removing some of the glitter allow the speaker to shine. As you complete your polishing, it is wise to make sure you did not sacrifice that which is most important to your audience – clarity. When your polishing can help your clarity your point, it is most effective. At times, all it takes is replacing a verb or an adjective in a sentence. Some toastmasters use speech brighteners, which I have mentioned in previous postings. Brighteners can make your point stick. For example – He was the kind of person who has had a lifelong romance. At an early age, he fell in love with himself. Also, they can also reinforce a point – He is the boss who was seeking a secretary in her thirties with forty years’ experience.

Polishing can be fun. I learned years ago that when you are polishing and don’t wear gloves – your hand can get dirty – so be careful. Once the exercise is over, remove your gloves and, with clean hands, give that presentation. It is now a presentation you wrote – rewrote, edited, re-edited, polished, and is now ready, like a well-prepared dish, to be served to your audience on the platform.

Your three Ps of Public Speaking

Your purpose and point should go hand in hand

20200219_090643
The Bernal Hill

What are your three Ps of Public Speaking?  For some of us, it is Preparation, Practice & Presentation for others – Pitch, Pace & Pauses. Then there it is Practice. Practice. Practice. While all your Ps are import parts of the process of bringing a speech to the platform, when you focus on your Preparation, all your other P’s fall into place.

A question we all should ask ourselves as we begin our preparation is what my purpose for speaking is – Is it to inform, persuade, inspire, or entertain? If you do not have a purpose, then what is the point of speaking?  Once you are clear about your purpose, the points will often follow. Your audience will be more inclined to accept you and the points you make when they are interested in your purpose.  Your purpose and point should go hand in hand. Next, you should decide on the strategies you would use to make your purpose resonate with that audience. You can use humor, statistics, or an opening that is thought-provoking to arouse curiosity about what will follow.

Presenters should make sure they are appropriately dressed for the type of information they plan to present. First impressions count. When you step unto the platform, before you utter your first words, your attire will determine the chatter in the minds of your audience. Your credibility is on the line when it comes to how you look. Your clothes speak as loudly as what you do or say when you are on the platform. If your audience respects you, they are more likely to consider your ideas and suggestions. How you present yourself will significantly influence the results when your objective is to inform, persuade, inspire, or just attempting to be funny.

How you practice can make all the difference. Formal or casual Practice can take place anytime, anywhere. There are times you will need an audience and times when you will not. You can practice the flow of your speech, rhythm, or timing, even when you are driving. Today, we have the option also to practice online. That gives us the added dimension of seeing ourselves as we practice, which can help us correct the bad habits we develop. We should always remember what your Practice becomes permanent. Review your presentation as if you are a member of your audience. Evaluate what you saw heard and felt based on the purpose of your presentation. If you get your point, you have found your three Ps of public speaking

The Preacher and the Farmer

Our bounty is the spoken word

20200326_105949There is an old story often told about a Farmer and a Preacher both standing side by side, admiring the bounty the Farmer’s farm had produced. The preacher said to the Farmer, “Wow – what a beautiful farm you and the Lord have here.” The Farmer smiled and replied – “yes, for sure, my skills helped, but you should have seen it when the Lord had it all to himself.”

There are many lessons one can glean from that story. However, my take was the Farmer, in his wisdom, was referring to the preachers who often comment on the results. Many have no idea of the humble beginning, which leads to that end. I do believe the Farmer was also making the point that the skills you develop are your blessings, but its hard work that produces your bounty.

Many years ago, I was asked by my first coach, if you had the choice to be mentored by an MBA or a Farmer, who would you choose. Completely forgetting that old story, I selected the MBA. My coach favored the Farmer. But over the years, my coach made me realize how much Farmers and Public Speakers have in common. Time made me realize why my coach chose the Farmer and not the MBA. He also felt that some of the latter are fake and full of it, fertilizer if you wish to be kind.

If you were to take some time to examine the work ethic Public Speakers and Farmers must possess, you too will recognize the similarities and their differences. Both the Farmer and Public Speaker are well aware of the importance of being prepared. They both are mindful of how critical it is to practice best practices. Also, they both are aware that the bounty they produce is not for themselves, but their audiences and customers.

Farmers and speakers know, to succeed, you must supply the market with what it needs. They both know you must bring your best products to the market. They know the importance of rotation. Long before they plant that first seed, they know their soil has to be well prepared. They also know better than anyone; that it is not if, but when things go wrong, you must have a solid backup plan in place. Public speakers require a different set of skills; however, their objectives are all the same – Excellence! Excellence that demands that you always do your best and not that you always be the best.

A common mistake some speakers make is, believing they must always give a new speech each time they face an audience. That is like asking the Farmer to bring a new product each time they go to market.  Time has shown me that the repeated performances of a task will more often than not result in improvement over past efforts. I highly recommend the good, better, best approach, which I regularly use. Good better best, never let your good speeches rest, until they become your better, and your better speeches your best.

The gift of speech is one of the remarkable skills we possess. It is a gift we must not take for granted. Our bounty is the spoken word. Language in all its beauty is our gift to all humankind. As a Public Speakers, I believe when you dedicate your life to be of service to others, just as the Farmer does daily, you too will one day be able to say to the preachers admiring your bounty, yes it took some skills – but you should have heard me when I did my very first icebreaker.

Challenging Speeches – The Roast

The Roastmaster – no easy undertaking. 

20181207_093125How do you become a Roastmaster? The tradition of roasting those we love, usually the guest of honor at an anniversary, retirement is called a Roast. The person roasted is called the Roastee, and the speakers are the Roasters, The master of ceremonies is the Roastmaster – no easy undertaking. 

A Roast is perhaps one of the most challenging speaking occasions which many speakers avoid because of its nature. How do you praise someone with comedic insults and negativity? In addition to the jokes which are common at these types of events, the roaster must also include genuine appreciation and tributes fitting for the occasion. It is a tall order; however, the Roast of that special someone for their talents, dedication, and commitment to excellence is a unique event that is usually remembered fondly for a long time, especially when the event is successful and is well presented. 

Unlike speaking in praise, the Roasters responsible for bringing the heat, are usually close friends and relatives. They are the ones who will deliver the jokes, the satire, and anecdotes about the Roastee, who has agreed to subject themselves to the impending abuse. The expectation is that their material will relate only to the guest of honor for the body of work, for which they are roasted. No good deed goes unpunished. Almost nothing is off-limits, Real and exaggerated stories punctuated with wit, fun and humor must not be hurtful or embarrassing to anyone present. Producing a roast takes research excellent humor writing skills and guidance from the Roastmaster. However, the Roasters must decide what should or should not be included in their speeches and are fully responsible for the good, the bad, or the ugly they present.

It helps when many of the attending guests know and like the Roastee. When everyone is familiar with their quirks and peculiar personality, that is an excellent place to start gathering material for a fun-filled speech. Certain areas of one’s personal life should be respected and be off-limits, like children or spouses. If the guest of honor agrees to include any of that type of material, care, grace, and sensitivity should prevail. Remarks not considered relevant to the purpose of the Roast may be regarded as inappropriate and should be avoided. When you are in doubt, leave it out.  As you will not be the only one delivering a roast, decide if your delivery is going to be medium-rare or well-done as it pertains to your relationship with the Roastee. Stay in your lane. Leave the well -well-done to the headliner or the Roastmaster.

Opening your delivery with “he or she is the kind of person who” – is generally a good opener. Here are a few examples of the types of persons we all know. The perpetual latecomers – He is the kind of person – Who is always very punctual on his own time. The flip-flopper – She says she knows where she is going, but always end up somewhere else. The professor – He may not always be right, but is never wrong. The procrastinator – She feels that you should always put off for tomorrow things you should never do at all. The crusty grandma  – She trusts everybody, but still brings and cut her own cards. She is also a careful driver who would even drive on the sidewalks to avoid traffic. He is the kind of person who thinks twice before saying nothing. He believes there is nothing wrong with him being a pessimist. He is a real pessimist, an optimist with information. My dear friends can trace her family tree back to the time when their family lived in it. She is such a responsible person. No matter what goes wrong, she is always responsible. He is a true friend. He stabs you in the front and never forgets a favor- especially if he did it.

Roasting the ones we love is an oral tradition all speakers should try. Writing good clean humor is challenging. It is a dying art that we must preserve. When the roasting is all over. When the Roastee is well-done. If everyone can still laugh and took the jokes in good humor and not as a severe criticism or insult, you are will on your way to achieving that prestigious title that is one of the highest for all speakers, the prestigious title of Roastmaster.