Love & Marriage – The Original Story:
Love and Marriage, according to that old song, they go together like horse and carriage. But for a marriage to be successful, sometimes you’ve got to be the horse, sometimes the carriage or sometimes both. Because it’s only a matter of time before someone will start behaving like that part of the horse that always faces the carriage.
Mr. Toastmaster guests hitched, unhitched and even my fellow ditched Toastmasters:
Now I don’t mean to meddle in anyone’s business, however, tell me, in your relationship or marriage who is the horse and who is the carriage. Now if your horse or carriage is sitting next to you, now may not be the best time to be asking who me. If you do – do, you will be stepping in it – what the horse always leave behind. So to keep us all out of that mess, let’s talk about love and marriage or should that be marriage and then love.
We all know, in some cultures first, you fall in love and then get married, while in other you get married and have all the time in the world to fall in love. And ever since the beginning of time, there has always been this heated debate over which should come first – Love and then marriage or marriage and then love. Some may argue that getting married before falling in love is putting the horse before the cart. I say if you do marriage before love, it is only a matter of time before your horse is going to start bucking. And you will be shouting “Woah Nelly” Woah!!
The first time I decided to get married, stuck with tradition. I was in love. I sat down and wrote my future father-in-law a five-page letter requesting his daughter’s hand in marriage. Promising to love honor and obey. One week later, I got his answer – one word – No! I was shocked. Two weeks later, I received a phone call inviting me to meet for dinner to explain. I thought what part of No needed explaining. But I went.
To my surprise, it was to meet the family. That day, they roasted me. I would never forget how he ended his roast. He said No! you cannot have just my daughter’s hand in marriage, you to have to take her hands, her feed and all the part that come with her. And son, there is no return policy with my baby. She is all yours. I know they say love is blind but I should have seen that one coming. He even said “love honor and obey” Good luck!
While I was graduating into this marriage with my bachelors, she was earning her masters. Before long we were like two horses pulling in different directions. She kept complaining that I was always complaining. But – complaining is like bad breath. You only notice it when is coming out of some else’s mouth. Eventually, I pulled away. It was all over and I moved to California to start life all over. I was a horse without a carriage or a carriage without a horse. I just didn’t care.
Before leaving New York, I met up with my good friend Sonny who was going back to India to get married. When I asked Sony to see a picture of his fiancee, he said, I don’t have one. Well, what does she look like? He said I don’t know. How did you meet her? I didn’t my parents did and he was dead serious. Quickly he changed the subject by asking how divorce was treating me. That was a low blow but before we parted, Sonny said, Henry you are a good guy, once I get settled in India I will find you a good wife. Jokingly I said OK and we went our separate ways.
One year later, just after midnight one Friday night, my phone rang. It was Sonny calling to introduce me to my new wife. Luckily for me, I was able to table-topic my way out of that mess. I whispered Sonny don’t wake up my wife. I lied – I was still single. Sonny said what! you are married again…. Me Yes! Oh @##$. And he hung up. Whey!!! That was close.
And so once again, I began the hunt for a new horse or carriage. This time I took my time. Fellow toastmaster today I have come to realize that it doesn’t matter if you get married first and then fall in love or fall in love and get married. Sometimes you must be the horse, sometimes the carriage. And if you always remember these two magic words – yes dear, and don’t be the one behaving like that part of the horse that always faces the carriage, you too will discover, that you can’t have one – no you can’t have one, you can’t have one without the other.